|We Find Ourselves|
Volume 15: We Find Ourselves is the fifteenth volume of The Walking Dead that includes issues 85-90.
The zombie invasion in Alexandria Safe-Zone has ended. Abraham, Glenn, Spencer Monroe, Aaron and the rest of the residents are cleaning the yard. Abraham states that the process will take forever. Glenn says they have to pile a new fire on. Abraham agrees and tells him to keep it away from the yards. Suddenly, Glenn notices zombified Jessie Anderson.
Undead Jessie stands up, and tries to reach Glenn with her hacked arm. Abraham tells Glenn to kill her before Rick sees her. Glenn isn't sure, and Abraham takes out his gun and shoots her. Abraham moans about having to do everything. Glenn asks where Rick is anyway, and Abraham thinks he's with Carl.
Rick is with Carl. Dr. Denise Cloyd tells Rick he should eat something. He states he's not hungry. Rick then begins telling Denise about how Ron and Jessie died. He starts by recognizing that Jessie's actions were made in an attempt to save her son. On the other hand, Rick attempts to rationalize the action he took in response, stating that he had to do what he did in order to prevent them from all being killed. He confesses to Denise the details of what occurred, telling her that he had to hack off Jessie's hand in order to save Carl and give them a chance to escape. Denise is shocked and starts to cry. Rick further laments that the actions he took to save Carl may have been in vain, given that Carl ended up being shot moments later. Rick asks Denise to not tell anyone about their discussion, and Denise agrees.
At the yard, Andrea and Spencer are talking. Spencer asks Andrea out on a date, but she is dismissive of the topic, indicating that she doesn't want to discuss the matter now (given that she is in the middle of disposing of bodies). Spencer apologizes and helps her. Glenn and Maggie finally see each other. Glenn apologizes for leaving her, but Maggie understands. She feels bad for anyone they lost, and Glenn says it's survivor's guilt. They hug and Glenn says he loves Maggie.
Abraham attempts to have a conversation with Rosita about the events that occurred that day. Rosita is non-responsive, and Abraham asks what's wrong. Suddenly, Rosita confronts Abraham over his affair with Holly. Abraham becomes speechless.
Afterwards, Rick, admits to the group that he's been thinking about things all wrong. He remarks on how he originally thought that he would be better off alone and was wary of larger groups. Rick states that it was only "safety in numbers" that kept him around in the past. Now, however, Rick's mind has changed. He now recognizes the true potential of the group, and believes that they can accomplish a lot together as a community.
First of all, Rick recommends building a maze for roamers. Eugene says they could make walls more secure by packing some dirt against them. Michonne adds that if the dirt is packed high enough, then a walkway could be built around the perimeter to take care of roamers. Abraham recommends that everyone carry weapons from now on and receive training on how to use them. Rick confirms that these all are good ideas, and suggests that the group meet regularly to discuss these sorts of matters.
Aaron tells the group that he's done with recruiting because it's too dangerous. Heath suggests to have more people on the supply runs so they could reach more areas. Glenn says it might be good to have more community events. He would like to know everyone by name. Rick thinks these are more good suggestions, and thinks they could later make the Safe-Zone larger, and farm. Rick tells everyone to focus on the re-established civilization. He thinks the very first steps have been taken today.
Abraham arrives to his house, only to see Rosita is leaving. Abraham tells her he's sorry, and Rosita sarcastically tells him she hadn't realized that a simple apology would make it all better. Abraham tells her that he is not sorry about cheating on her, he is just sorry that he hurt her in the process. Abraham goes on to explain that when he first met Rosita, she fulfilled a need for him after his wife had died. Eventually, however, he found himself thinking about the possibility that Rosita wasn't the last woman on earth - now, of course, he's realized that she is not. Rosita curses him and leaves.
Rick sits beside Carl's bed in the infirmary, telling him about the possibilities with the community, and how he is taking this new approach in hopes of providing Carl with a better future. Rick then questions himself for telling this to Carl when Carl is still not conscious and probably can't hear him anyhow. Andrea interrupts and Rick apologizes to her for talking to himself. Andrea assures Rick that she understands, and that no apology is necessary. Andrea gives Rick some food, and they talk about Carl's condition. Andrea thinks Carl is healing. Rick, however, says that he can't imagine Carl waking up, and even thinks that Carl will die. Suddenly, Carl starts to cough.
Rick and Andrea have noticed that Carl has coughed and moved. Rick asks Andrea if she saw it and she did, but says he's not coming back yet, he barely moved. Rick is happy he didn't imagine it and runs for Denise, who is with Heath outside Carl's room, and tells her Carl moved. Denise asks in what manner was he moving, goes over to him and says it could mean anything. Denise asks Rick and the others to leave for a minute. They leave and Rick tells Andrea he's fine.
Heath is going to get some water for Andrea and Denise returns. Rick asks her about Carl and she says he's stable but still comatose. Carl was lucky, the bullet didn't hurt him badly. She doesn't know yet when he'll wake up and what condition he'll be in. Carl still isn't out of the woods.
At Eugene's house, Rosita knocks on the door. and says she needs a place to stay for a while. Eugene lets her in and asks why. Rosita says she had to get away from Abraham before she "kills" him, because he's been cheating on her with Holly. Eugene apologizes and asks why she wanted to come over his house. Rosita states that though he caused many deaths and lied all the time, he's the only friend that she has.
Rick is still with Carl in the evening. Denise tells him he should go sleep on his own house and that she'll wake him up if Carl makes a move. Heath pops in and asks if everything is okay. Rick apologizes and leaves the two alone. He makes a trip to the graves, and meets Michonne sticking her katana into Morgan's grave. Rick apologizes, but Michonne says he doesn't have to. Rick says he missed Morgan too, but wasn't able to say goodbye to him. Michonne says she doesn't want to see people reanimate, and would have lived with Morgan rest of her life. She asks if that is funny, but Rick says everyone wants a relationship. Michonne disagrees and doesn't think she'll ever be happy, starts to say something about Rick and Jessie, but stops short of that and says it's getting late.
At morning, Rick, Abraham, Nicholas, Spencer and Eugene are outside of the walls. While Rick is complaining about people being chased, Eugene asks about the dirt in the walls, and it might take its own time. Rick says time isn't their biggest problem, and wants to live in the safe-zone when Carl is in his thirties. Spencer thinks Rick's a good leader, and they hear shooting. Rick tells everyone to stay put and sprints to see what is happening.
It's Andrea, Heath, Maggie, Olivia, Aaron and Eric shooting zombies. Rick didn't remember Andrea was there, when the rest of party were mapping defences. Andrea says they'll stop shooting soon, but Rick thinks they should fire a few more shots when they see an approaching crowd of zombies.
Everyone in the line gets scared and Andrea tells them not to panic. Olivia says she's not ready, and Andrea tells her get ready. She says this is about life and death. Zombies are not dying, and Andrea says she'll take it from there. She shoots all the zombies. She kills the final zombie and says they have to let it get close to shoot it more easily. Everyone is impressed about her shooting skills as they pack up and leave.
As Rick and Andrea walk he asks her if she can believes she's become a teacher of shooting. Andrea doesn't believe it even herself. When she first used a gun, it felt alien. She thinks aloud wondering what Shane would say if he could see her today. She apologizes to Rick after she said it. Rick says she doesn't have to, Shane was his best friend, and even with all that happened, he still misses him. Rick says he doesn't dwell on the past, because it's painful. If they just dwell and dwell, they're going to get killed. Lastly, he says he still misses Lori. Andrea says it's okay. Rick says he's so accustomed to the moment, and living day by day. that he became blind to how difficult it makes life.
While Rick is talking about safety in numbers, he starts to think he isn't making any sense, but Andrea understands. Rick keeps talking. He goes on to say they have been through a lot together, and that Andrea has been there for him. Andrea says they have been there for each other. Rick says keeping Lori and Carl safe is what drove his decisions. He's not saying he disliked any of the original group, but he just cared more about his family. Andrea understands, but he says his actions were inexcusable
Rick says he has overlooked the most important thing in this world; community. If he watches the group, they help keep Carl alive. Like the new barrier they made, it's the key, and that is how they are going to live in this world. Rick says he's going to be a better person from now on. Andrea agrees, and asks if he thinks things are going to go well. Rick tells her to look at the Alexandria Safe-Zone, and says it's going to work.
Andrea hopes Rick is right, things are going to work here. Rick tells her if they're not going work, they will make them work. Rick asks if Andrea is going to pick back up tomorrow morning, and she agrees. Rick is going to see Carl, who's still in coma. Andrea asks Rick if he minds if she tags along.
Abraham asks Aaron and Eric to cover the gates so they are fully secured and locked. Abraham tries to speak to Rosita, but instead she ignores him and curses him. She goes right to Eugene and tells him she's making some food for them. Eugene thinks it's a good idea and they leave. Aaron is surprised that Abraham and Rosita aren't in a relationship anymore. Abraham says it's not an issue, but Aaron thinks Abraham is staring at Rosita's butt like it's an issue. Abraham glares at him and Aaron apologizes and says he took it too far.
At Denise's house, she tells Rick and Andrea Carl has a good heart rate and that his vitals signs are just where they are supposed to be. She says 'things are looking good.' Rick is confused by this, and asks when he's waking up. Denise tells Rick she's not a brain surgeon, but she says Carl's brains are developing. She's optimistic that he will wake up, but doesn't know when. Andrea tries to comfort Rick and says she would like to have Rick to dinner, it seems like Andrea could have crush on Rick.
Abraham goes to his house, and discovers Holly. He tells her that he's been busy, and that he saw her today. Holly said she hasn't seen Abraham in days, and didn't mean seen by twinkling. Abraham tells her that a lot is going on, but she knows this. Holly says why didn't he tell her Rosita has moved, she had found out from Olivia that Rosita is staying with Eugene, and she asks if he's feeling lonely on his own. Abraham, in a furious rage, tells her he's dealing with a lot here, and just needs some time. Holly is about to leave and says Abraham could take all time he needs.
Abraham tells her to wait and says Holly was perfect when he was with Rosita, and strong, and she didn't need protection. Abraham says he was dying to be with Holly, and feels guilty about cheating on Rosita. He feels sorry for Rosita, Holly yells at him about wanting her back. Abraham didn't mean that, what he meant was that he feels pity for Rosita. He feels good right now, but he shouldn't feel that way. Lastly, Abraham holds Holly's hand and tells her to get inside.
Rick is eating with Andrea. Rick thanks her, but Andrea says it's nothing. Andrea asks can't Rick taste what the food is, and he says it's beef jerky. Rick thinks it's good. After eating, Rick goes to Jessie's and Ron's graves. Rick apologizes them both and tells he should have not dragged them in to outside. Lastly, he says every child is not like Carl, and leaves.
Again, Rick goes to his house, and grabs the phone, to hear Lori's voice. He hears it, and wants to hear her voice. Lori doesn't want to talk to him, and Lori says he should look at what happened to Carl and it's his fault it happened, and it's his fault Lori and Judith died. Lastly, she says it should have been Rick who should have got shot in the head. Rick gets surprised and closes the phone "call".
Michonne, Abraham and others are cleaning the zombie horde. After all are killed, Rick tells everyone to go get the signal. Rick asks Eugene if he's up for this, and he is, hoping he might lose some weight. Rick tells Glenn to keep an eye on the things, they can get dangerous very fast. Glenn says he's on it.
Rick praises Michonne of the good job, and she thanks Rick. Rick asks her feelings, and she asks how long does it take that Rick realizes he already knows the answer. Michonne lastly answers, that she's getting by. Rick agrees. Michonne thinks it's nice that someone cares about her.
Abraham gathers up some people, for digging. He tells not to get too focused on the digging. He tells where to dig and where to put the pile-ups. All gets started. Nicholas asks Heath what are they doing, and why are they taking orders from Abraham and others. He asks who died and left them in charge. Heath reminds him Douglas did. Heath says the things weren't fine before they arrived, and asks what is wrong with Nicholas. Nicholas thinks they were better off them, and reminds Heath of Rick stealing gun.
Heath says Rick was just protecting his people, and reminds Nicholas of the scavengers. The "Crazy assholes" saved their life. Nicholas still thinks they could have handle that. Heath disagrees, and reminds him of Andrea, who has perfect sharpshooting skills. Heath thinks they were just waiting for death inside of the walls. Heath is happy of that Douglas put Rick on charge. Abraham asks is everything okay, and Nicholas says it is.
Olivia calls Rick into her house, and tells the news. Maggie and Sophia are checking the food situation. Olivia says the food is going low, and winter is starting. Olivia thinks they should send a team to find them food and equipment. Rick thanks Olivia and tells they might send a team maybe tomorrow. Maggie catches Rick and tells him not to send Glenn out, he's been gone far enough. He agrees, and Rick says Heath knows better the places than he does, and he won't send him. Maggie is relieved.
Rick asks is anything news about Carl, and she says he's still asleep. Andrea feels guilt for not being on the over-watch, and Rick tells her Abraham and others got it covered. Denise rushes out of her house, and tells Rick to get in, Carl has moved.
Denise can't say nothing for sure, but Carl starts to speak. He asks "dad", and Rick is relieved to hear his voice. Denise tells him not to touch his wound, and Carl asks what happened to him. Everyone seems to be happy, until Carl asks "Where's mom?"
Carl wakes up and he then asks where his mother is. Rick, Andrea and Denise are looking at him. Carl asks Denise who she is, and she then identifies herself. She also tells Carl that he had been shot. Carl seems sad before his father hugs him and tells it's okay. He tells Carl things are little 'fuzzy', and that he'll explain everything to him later. Rick is then relieved to see Carl alive.
Later, Denise asks how's Rick is doing. Rick swiftly asks how is Carl and Denise tells him that he is eating with Andrea. After an awkward silence, Denise tells him that Carl's cognitive skills seem intact. Denise has tested him extensively and says there is no cause for alarm. Denise thinks his memory gaps might come back on its own. Rick asks what he is supposed to do.
Denise asks what he means, then Rick answers how he's going to tell him Lori is dead. Rick says he's happy to see him alive, but to get him back the way he was he would have to turn around and break his heart. He asks her if it is ever easy.
Andrea walks to her home. Spencer is at her door and tells her it 'sucks' when the phones don't work. Instead of that, he came over to talk her and asks how does she announce herself now. Rather than looking for her, he decided just to wait at her doorstep. Spencer then mentions he fell asleep.
Andrea asks what does he want. Spencer wants nothing more but to talk, but Andrea has nothing to say to him. Spencer asks why and thinks it's the comment he said in the middle of the Alexandria Safe-Zone chaos. Also, he thinks she thinks Spencer cared more about their lives than the others lives in the Zone. Andrea tells Spencer she gets that, and she mentioned a lot to him, but it's over. Spencer still thinks they had something special, but then Andrea tells him they didn't. Spencer asks what makes her say that, and says he could show in a matter of time they have something compatible. Andrea tells him to get off of her porch, and he leaves.
Carl asks Rick how long does he have to stay in his bed, and Rick tells him Denise is keeping an eye on him for a while. Carl is starting to remember things. When Carl asks where's his mother, Rick responds she died. Carl doesn't seem very surprised, and asks how she died. Rick says she and Judith were shot. Carl asks who's Judith, and Rick says she was Carl's baby sister.
Rick asks Carl is he sad, but he isn't. He feels like Lori were always just gone. He doesn't remember Judith, and says it's sad she died. He says he misses Amy, Carol, Tyreese, Morgan, Jessie and Ron. Rick asks does he remember Jessie and Ron, and he does. Rick says he was with them, when they got attacked. Carl says he's tired, and Rick leaves him to sleep. Abraham comes to see Rick and tells him he heard the good news. Rick says he's sleeping and he needs sleep also. Abraham tells him to sleep. Rick can't, because Olivia told him they're running low on food. They need to gather up group, and go get some. Rick asks him to gather up a group, but Abraham thinks they're not running out of food today, so they could go find some tomorrow, or they'll send Glenn and Heath. Rick tells him Glenn can't be send, and he wants to go with the group. Abraham asks why, and Rick tells him Maggie told him not to, and says she's right.
Rick wants to go, because he wants to search the area around them for residences and food. He wants to go in a safe, big, and secure group who could watch each others backs. They won't need any more than a day because they will only search the few blocks around them. The trip needs to be done now or it yields nothing. Besides, Carl is sleeping, so he could be away for the time he sleeps, and he has forget a lot of things. Abraham understands.
In the hospital, Rick asks Denise to keep an eye on Carl, and tells he's going to search food. Denise reminds Carl is his son, and asks why would he do this. Rick becomes speechless, and leaves and asks her to watch over him.
Glenn asks Rick why he said to Abraham he can't go with. Rick tells him it's Maggie and she wants him to sit this one out. Glenn understands. Rick explains what they're doing, and would feel better if he'd sit this one out. Glenn says he'll 'do a patrol or something'. Abraham comes to tell gate is ready for them. Rick thanks Glenn.
Andrea, Michonne, Holly, Aaron, Eric, Abraham and Rick are ready to go. Spencer wishes them good luck, but Andrea don't feel comfortable. Rick asks what's going on between them, and Andrea tells him absolutely nothing.
Rick thinks most of the zombies are frozen as well at the last winter. Rick tells everyone to check out the stores, and stay in shouting distance of each other. Abraham reminds how dangerous zombies can be. Eric finds a bag of potato chips, and Aaron finds nothing. Andrea goes to see what Rick's doing and finds him crying in the office private-room. Andrea asks what's wrong.
Spencer and Nicholas are in a truck, and parking it. Nicholas tells Olivia to get in there. Nicholas tells them Heath is 'overly trusting' Rick more than he thought, and tells what he was talking about. Spencer asks what he's saying, and Nicholas tells they have to make their move so Rick's group won't win everyone else on their side. Nicholas says if they leave them in charge long enough they'll be the death of all of them.
Nicholas, Olivia and Spencer (mostly Nicholas) conspire to kill Rick. Glenn hears everything, and Nicholas notes "this shouldn't go down this way". Rick notes to Andrea if it was worth to keep Carl alive this much, because he fears for his mental health as he displayed no emotion over hearing that his mother has died with his sister.
Glenn tries to protect himself from Nicholas with a gun (Glenn had no intention to fire the weapon). Nicholas grabs his weapon and starts to hit him. Olivia tries to stop him, but Nicholas keeps hitting Glenn. Lastly, he pulls Glenn's gun to his head. Glenn kicks Nicholas in the stomach and is able to escape. He runs to his house and tells Maggie and Sophia to lock themselves into the bathroom.
Heath asks Nicholas what he is doing. Nicholas calls him a traitor. Nicholas notes he's the only one thinking clearly. Nicholas says everything was perfect before Rick, who 'took the place over'. Spencer and Heath aren't very pleased about Nicholas' speech, and Nicholas says "if you're not with me, you're with Rick." Glenn tells Nicholas not to threaten his family and pulls Maggie's gun to his head. Rick and the rest arrive and asks why is Nicholas trying to take the place back. Rick points a gun to Nicholas' head and tells him that he has no idea who is he talking to.
- Jessie Anderson (Zombified)